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Feb 15, 2017 • 16,557 words • A dating sim where you play as Wario to scam some chumps (including Mario, Luigi, Waluigi and Bowser) out of all their money by making them fall in love with you.

Though rarely encountered outside Japan, where no one bats an eye at dudes reading hentai on the subway, a dating simulator is really the perfect game for Mario. Sometimes I put on a cape and run around the Mushroom Kingdom.

I saved the universe by flying through open space and jumping on things. Oh, I also saved the same ungrateful bitch each time while I was at it.

Our first date: We can go to any world or zone you like …

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My ex-girlfriend had a small apartment in La Condesa, in Mexico City. You just need to tap the screen with your finger to make him jump.The longer you hold your finger down, the higher he jumps. A good jump into certain game elements can make Mario perform extra maneuvers, though.A new kind of Mario game that you can play with one hand.You control Mario by tapping as he constantly runs forward. is a platform game published and developed for arcades by Nintendo in 1983. It has been featured as a minigame in the Super Mario Advance series and numerous other games. has been re-released for the Wii's, Nintendo 3DS's, and Wii U's Virtual Console services in Japan, North America, Europe and Australia.The original versions of Mario Bros.—the arcade version and the Family Computer/Nintendo Entertainment System (FC/NES) version—were received positively by critics. Unlike future Mario games, players cannot jump on enemies and squash them, unless they were already turned on their back.You time your taps to pull off stylish jumps, midair spins, and wall jumps to gather coins and reach the goal!Super Mario Run can be downloaded for free and after you purchase the game, you will be able to play all the modes with no additional payment required. The game was released on December 15 exclusively on i OS and is playable on the i Phone and i Pad.Nintendo is planning an Android release for March 23, but Windows users will likely never see the game on the platform.Eels, blue shells, lava, hotels, evil doppelgangers that smell like garlic, and stupid pink princesses who’d lead a guy on for 25 years.Favorite foods: Pasta, mushrooms, peaches — OH GOD WHY CAN’T SHE LOVE MEEE???The goal is to get as many coins as you can and end up at the flagpole at the end of the level before your time runs out, so you can defeat perennial baddie Bowser and save Princess Peach.You don't really have to avoid Goombas anymore -- Mario jumps over them automatically -- but you can smash them with a well-timed jump.

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